Saturday, November 30, 2013
Brenda Hoffman: Holidays – Another Should?
The media, your community and family encourage you to believe that most, if not all, of your friends, relatives and neighbors are enjoying a loving holiday season, that all is wonderful in their lives. Such is not the case – but deep within the recesses of your being you feel as if it is. Your belief is that you and you alone are wondering where love and joy is.
Even though you might have moments of joy and love throughout this holiday season, you do not seem to have the level of joy others are displaying. Perhaps it is difficult for you to decorate, shop and prepare to host or take part in holiday festivities. It is as if you are watching from the outside wondering why you feel little or nothing. Or a dull ache of loneliness as others laugh and party their way to the new year.
Your sense of not fully participating in festivities is more about your transition than loneliness. You have detached from friends and relatives in small and large increments. Somewhat like a being from the outside looking in. Perhaps an old-fashioned snow globe is an apt analogy – the kind you shake so sparkly snow falls upon the little village or house within. Even though you enjoy the effects of the globe, you are not in or of the globe.
Your joy is shifting to different places than the somewhat hollow joy of the traditional holiday season. Perhaps the phrase, ‘hollow joy’ is not appropriate for you love family gatherings. So you might and so you can. But many of you feel less joy than before, or wished you felt, as you participate in this year’s holiday festivities.
Your Old-Age joy was condensed to a few days near the end of the year and labeled the holiday season. Even though there were other holidays and gatherings, those gatherings were not featured throughout your society as is true for the last few weeks or first few weeks – depending on your country of origin – of the calendar year. According to society myth, anger and fear disappear once the holiday season begins only to be replaced with a loving need to give to others emotionally and physically.
That myth was never accurate for many – and is especially not accurate now.
Perhaps you used to enjoy the holidays. Perhaps they were a respite from family disagreements. Perhaps you were alone and lonely. Perhaps you felt harried and confused. Perhaps you tried to enjoy the holidays for others. Perhaps you enmeshed yourself in the love and joy that seem to permeate your world during this period. You always felt something because your society set an extremely high emotional bar for what you should feel.
You may feel little or nothing this year. You might enjoy the company of family and friends – or not. But most likely, you will not muster the energy of joy, fear, anger or disdain that carried you through previous holiday seasons. You have not become a zombie, Instead, you are declaring yourself independent of society dictates. You are reclaiming your right to be.
That does not mean you must stop loving during this time or that your love is limited to a day or two a year. But instead, that you are beginning to feel holiday joy throughout the year. No longer do you need to have a few days a year set aside for love. No longer do you need to care for others or to be nice so others can enjoy the holidays.
You are not tied to society shoulds. You are a free agent. If you wish to share holiday joy, please do so. It is indeed a lovely time of year for many. But do not be pressured into feeling something that is society driven – whether joy, angst or sadness. It is not your holiday season, it is society’s holiday season.
Your new holidays are every day you wish to experience joy. Create festivities that fit your joy, interests and needs. In the Old Age, joys were limited to a few days to help you remember what joy was – a dictate that was only appropriate if you felt joy. Many of you were depressed or sad because your (society) expectations did not meet your reality.
You can now declare “the king wears no clothes.” That the hype around the holidays may be wonderful for some, but not all. That it is perfectly appropriate to not celebrate the holidays, to do so in a different way or to shift the shoulds to fun. Holiday shoulds are no different from any other should. They were designed to herd you into a pen of assimilation.
Perhaps you feel this message spoils your holidays. Such is not true. We are merely pointing out that some of you are preparing for the holidays with dread, sadness or feelings of “just more work.” None of which speak to joy.
Why are you not encouraged to feel holiday spirit in March or August? Why are holidays limited to a few days each year? Of course there are holidays throughout the year with different feelings of joy perpetuated by your society. But because you should feel joy on a specific day does not mean you have to – you can feel loving joy when you wish.
As you distance yourself from your 3D world, you will find it more difficult to feel what society tells you that you should. Perhaps you are now feeling sadness or loneliness when none is warranted. You are creating a new life of joy not encased in society shoulds – including holidays and other occasions.
You are free to declare joy when you wish. The same is true for sadness. Your new feelings are generated from within you – not society. Review your joy and sadness to discover their origins – society’s or inner-directed?
Do you find it delightful to shop for Christmas gifts on Thanksgiving Day? Then do so. Are you shopping for Christmas gifts on Thanksgiving Day because you are so harried with holiday preparations you need to crunch the holidays together? Then perhaps you wish to review your need to fill society dictates. So be it. Amen.
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