We each have a set of beliefs that act as a foundation for our reality. When someone comes along and tells us that our beliefs are wrong they are, in essence, threatening our foundation. When people are afraid they react with anger.
So, let's talk about your inner child. Each time you pushed your beliefs and your mom rejected them, your inner child experienced that rejection as a threat of death. The reason is that in a primordial sense a mother gives life and a father protects that life. If a woman choses not to give birth, there is no life. Then, if she gives birth and does not give her milk, the child will die. And, in the absence of a father, the mother can also protect a child. So a child can do without a father but not without a mother. That is the primordial message of survival. Therefore, it is much harder for a child to be rejected by its mother than by its father.
When a mother rejects a child, the threat is felt much deeper because it is primordial. The message that the inner child receives from that rejection is 'I will die.' Each time your mother rejected you, your Inner Child felt he was going to die.
When a child feels that threatened he/she will create ways to survive. Firstly, the child will seal off the hurt so it will not be felt. You can liken that to sealing the pain in frozen blocks placed in a wall around your heart. If freezing the pain in blocks does not completely do the job, the inner child will develop addictions or obsessions in order to medicate and further distract you from the pain.
For example, one of those obsessions could manifest as checking and rechecking. Doing so distracts you from the real issue. Furthermore, the checking/rechecking is the child's way of ensuring those frozen blocks do not melt or fall. OCD-type behavior, like an obsession for cleanliness, is your inner child's way of dealing with the fear regarding the beliefs that your mother is rejecting. Your inner child sees those beliefs as bad because that is the message he received from your mother. Bad has become synonymous with dirty and unclean. Your inner child cannot make you clean away those beliefs so he does the next best thing: he makes sure everything else is spotless. Your inner child cannot stop the rejection of those beliefs, but he can minimize the threat to his life by ensuring everything else is acceptable.
Once you identify these areas within yourself, the next step is to take self-responsibility for the ideas that resonate with you, and do not resonate with you. How are you reacting to opposition to your ideas? Do you feel threatened, or hurt, or abandoned? Can you feel how the other person is reacting to you? Can you see how their Inner Child might feel threatened by your ideas?
What can you do to break this cycle? You can understand how your heart became frozen and caused the loss of passion and the OCD behavior to begin healing.
The first step is to gain knowledge of the tools needed along with developing a relationship with your Inner child. As you learn to parent your little child, trust will develop. As trust develops, your inner child will begin melting the walls around your heart, one block at a time. As each block melts, the pain in that block will need to be felt and cleared. Allow the pain to move through you, like water, and release to be released.
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