Tuesday, December 20, 2011

On Aging and Relationships

Do we get mellower as we age, making our relationships easier without the need for trips to relate or more years of self-introspection or does the amount of experiences we have mellow our view towards each other?
As much as I loathe talking numbers, I am 52 next birthday.  I noticed over the years how much life has changed and grown into a really amazing place, quite naturally on some levels just because I have gotten older.
I am very happy and settled with David, my conscious partner in life. We have a beautiful home amidst a quiet Cedar forrest in Washington.  I do what I love for a living and work from home and drink Hawaiian coffee from the Big Island from my kitchen whenever I like.  I love being around my good friends and having dinners and enjoying a glass of wine locally.  I love spending quality time in silence at the lake nearby.  It’s a slower life, and far more satisfying on SO many levels.
Gone are the days of closing out the neighborhood bar after a night out; getting up at 4am to get to work by 7am, and feeling lousy when the man I was dating did something I didn’t like.
I feel so content now, to look back and reminisce with David over a pipe or two.  It’s such a rich experience to reflect fondly and crack up laughing at some of the things we have done.
I have done so much partying, traveling overseas, careering, dating, getting to know the real me and then spending years self-developing through a journey of healing modalities, martial arts and topping it off nicely with life-changing relationship AHAs!  So, perhaps in my inner contentment, I am automatically more content to be with David and just be.
I have a heap more things I want to do in life, so I am not doing a rocking chair reflection just yet.  But I want to say one or two things from experience about age and relationships:
Aging, as many people have said to me over the years, really lies in the body not in the mind so I rather think that relationships, in the main, are better as we get older for these reasons:
1)      We have “been there, seen it, done it, and now can’t be fooled” about those things that used to bother us. We can’t be bothered to get upset about things and be picky about stuff as we realize it just doesn’t matter really!
2)      Aging bodies are at play and the thoughts that life is too short pull us into a reality check so we don’t find the passion to sweat the small stuff anymore.
3)      We become easier in our own skin because life has taught us a lot and the many layers of experience bring wisdom and the natural ability to become choosey about what not to get involved in because in the past we know where those choices lead us.
4)      Our many relationship experiences have healed past “wounds” and so things just don’t fire the negative reactions like they used to (that’s me!).
When I spectate people, as I love to do whenever I'm out and about, many older people in relationships just seem happier. Now that could be for a plethora of reasons, like one is just putting up with the other and has sunk into the potting shed mentality for the sake of compromise. But maybe we feel more companionable towards each other because our reasons for couple hood change into a cruise rather than a high speed chase.
Whatever the reason, I have to say I love this time of my life and echo the following words with relish:
“Growing old is a mandatory process. For women, for a period of time, we might even resist aging as we try our hardest to fight off wrinkles and hang on to the physical beauty of our faces. Yet, getting old is a natural process where things are slowing down, and you’ll begin to see that the sparkle in your heart and the twinkle in your eyes make you beautiful in a way that’s not achievable in youth.”
Here's to celebrating all that YOU are in this moment ...
Happy festive season everyone!

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